save me from my thoughts..
rawr
LAYOUT THEME: take me away.
LAYOUT CREATED WITH: photoshop cs2. notepad.
LAYOUT CREATED BY: leslie pham.
On Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 10:38 PM
She is seriously the CUTEST girl ever :D
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at 6:42 PM
Let's take a trip. Just you and me. Let's jump in the car and drive. No worries, not a care in the world. No one else but us and the open road. Let's just go... Can we go?
Why won't my heart soar high, why does it sit down below.. waiting.
I guess, I'll wait.
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yes nom nom?
On Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 10:48 PM
I just taught my brother how to make cheesecake. So now I'm wondering how many times he's gonna try to do it on his own now.. And knowing him, he's going to start experimenting with weird things..
Blah, that means, a total of five cheesecakes were baked in less than one week. My whole house smells like cheesecake at the moment.
On Sunday, Diana and Yves helped me bake a S'mores cheesecake for Leslyn and an Oreo cheesecake for Yves. Today, I helped my brother bake three regular cheesecakes. One for our house, one for Tony's girlfriend, and one for Jose over at Bodywerks. RAWR.
"no nom nom!"
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at 7:22 PM
My brother finally bought MW2. I don't think we'll be getting the tv back anytime soon. lol. Good thing my family doesn't really watch tv much.
Maybe I'll start to play too.
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I'm not looking forward to Keo being deployed again. It feels like he just got home. How many more of my friends are gonna be overseas next year.. I don't even want to think about it.
I realized, I hold a soft spot for military guys. I guess it started off with Johnny. I got so used to being in that situation that it makes me comfortable. It's something I know, and something I've gotten used to over the years.
My friends used to joke around and say that it was because I love a man in uniform. However, that's not really the case. I never found it to be sexy. (Plus, not all the military guys I dated in the past were enlisted when I met them, some enlisted after I was out of their lives.) Maybe it's the discipline, or the way that most of them know what they want and they want to settle down. But, I can't really say it's that either. I mean, I'm far from wanting to be married off, let alone married to someone who can leave me and our family at any second (ie deployments).
I don't know what it is exactly. I don't think I'll ever figure out why. But honestly, I think it's just the comfort of KNOWING. Knowing what to expect and knowing what's going on, understanding that life. It was something I knew. Something I was a part of for a good chunk of my past.
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Xiong asked me about my New Year's resolution. I didn't have one at first, but after realizing that I've been waking up pretty late lately. I decided my resolution would be to out of bed by 8am and hit the gym every morning by 10am.
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I'm looking forward to Summer 2010.
Apparently, the sister and I will be heading to Germany. We decided while we're there, we'll take advantage of the time we have and try to hit as many European countries as we can before heading back to the states.
I also find it amusing that James will be coming home from Germany and I'll be going there. I miss that idiot. I'm still upset I didn't get a chance to spend some alone time with him before he left.
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I told my parents I never wanted to go back to Vietnam after my grandpa passed away. But, now that I've gotten a bit older. I do want to go back. I just don't want to visit my relatives. I want to go back to that beautiful little beach resort and soak in the sun. I miss those days. I took those few weeks for granted. I was too hung up on what was going on back home. I was homesick, for nothing at all.
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Chinese New Year lands on Valentine's Day next year. That kind of makes me happy.
Next year is in less than 2 days.
Next year is in less than 2 days.
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I ramble on about nothing in particular. How do my friends deal with me? haha.
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I write what I do for me and my friends, not you. So do yourself a favor and stop acting like you know me or what goes on in my life. I write for myself and about myself. Unlike you.
Don't judge a book by it's cover. Actually, don't judge anyone at all. It's gonna bite you in the ass one day.
Don't judge a book by it's cover. Actually, don't judge anyone at all. It's gonna bite you in the ass one day.
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Playing catch up with my reading. What am I reading? David Chiem's book, In the Depths of My Eyes. Throughout all the years I've known him, his words have ceased to amaze and entice me. I love his use of words. I love the poems he chose to include for me even more.
3 months to finish a book signing equals one hell of a friendship. I love you David :]
Check him out at www.davidhchiem.com
Playing catch up with my reading. What am I reading? David Chiem's book, In the Depths of My Eyes. Throughout all the years I've known him, his words have ceased to amaze and entice me. I love his use of words. I love the poems he chose to include for me even more.
3 months to finish a book signing equals one hell of a friendship. I love you David :]
Check him out at www.davidhchiem.com
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thanks for the dance
On Tuesday, December 29, 2009 at 11:00 PM
----------------------------He was my yoshi.
This morning, I decided I was finally going to look through my old phone bills and try and find Ryan's number. I tried every other way I knew possible to find him or get a hold of him, but they were all dead ends.. including my attempt at finding his number. I mean, I knew that even if I found it, there wasn't going to be some guarantee that he still had the same number. But, I had to try. So, I guess that's it.
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I was feeling pretty "blah" today, and I decided to talk a few of my friends during my break. I tried talking to one person in particular because calling him always seemed to put a smile on my face. But, he wasn't feeling too happy either and I couldn't do anything about it. (Apparently, a lot of my friends weren't feeling too happy today, damn holidays.)
At first, I didn't really know why I felt so upset. I figured it was because I hate seeing my friends upset. But as I was driving home, I realized it was the same way Andy would act towards me when he had his off days. It reminded me a lot of his PTSD. It hit me bad. It wasn't something I expected to feel again or deal with again. I felt so useless when Andy was feeling "off". I couldn't do anything about it. I just let him do whatever it was that he needed to do and accepted that it was a flaw he was going to carry with him.
I'm not saying my friend has PTSD too. I'm just saying, once again, I felt useless. I couldn't do anything to help him. I just got upset over it, and that probably wasn't the best thing to do because it wasn't going to help the situation.. sigh.
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The highlight of my day.. After I got off the phone and went back to work, I had to stand outside for a bit. This guy, who looked almost exactly like my friend, walked up to me, smiled and proceeded to dance until I stopped frowning and started laughing. Once he got me to smile, he stopped dancing and walked away like nothing had happened :]
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Totally looking forward to this year coming to an end. It's been one hell of a year. I need a new beginning.
I don't even care about New Year's Eve. I'm looking forward to New Year's Day.
Working 9:30am to 3pm. Heading home for a fresh change of clothes, driving down to Whitter for the Woolery's slammage tech day, then a massive caravan to the City of Industry for our New Year's Day KINOD in honor of Peter Li. I missed the OG KINODers. Fuck yea, it will be a good day :D
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"I am a gentle hamster."
Yes Erik, yes you are. LOL. I love my friends.
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i love my chi
On Thursday, December 24, 2009 at 11:09 PM
She always knows exactly what to say to make me all smiles and laughter again. lol.
"her face is ugly. seeing it makes me want to throw up."
My thoughts exactly. But, I'm not going to waste my time on this. My life is busy enough without dealing with useless children.
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It kind of makes me sad that I can't remember what I did last Christmas. I'm pretty sure I spent it with Andy. But I can't remember what we did, where we went, or who was there with us. I guess it doesn't matter now.
Tomorrow morning, my brothers and I are planning to gather up our friends and go watch Sherlock Holmes. I hope its worth it. It looks interesting enough. After that, I might cook a nice pot roast and some sides for dinner, or maybe we'll head out to Garage Woolery to hang out with the clubroadster guys.
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Merry Christmas everyone. Don't drink and drive.
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On Tuesday, December 22, 2009 at 10:01 PM
I love how we refer to Erik as pajama boy. That's how Diana remembers all the guys in my life, she gives them silly nicknames.
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ahh. awesome.
On Monday, December 21, 2009 at 7:19 PM
My brother picked up a 69' Chevy Nova on Saturday. Pictures will probably be posted on the other blog once my brother figures out that I've already uploaded them to his computer. Yay for new projects.
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So, I was cleaning up at work today after my shift was over. I looked up randomly to see Santa walk by followed by three elves. I don't know why they decided to dress as santa and elves, but you guys are pretty awesome. At least you stayed warm today. lol.
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Speaking of work.. One time, a group of boys, maybe around 8-10 years old, walked up with one of the kids mom's and asked about our photos. So, I went through the whole promotion and prices, the usual crap. By then, the kids are yelling and screaming that they want to dress in the 1902's zoot suits. One kid in particular turned to me and with a serious, determined look asked, "do you guys have black gangs.. like bloods and crips?" The looks on the other boys' and mom's face was PRICELESS. I was speechless. By far, made my day. (The mom told me the kid's dad was a police sheriff too, I wonder what his dad was teaching him.)
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So, a few days ago when I found out about Travis, I had a lot to think about. Mainly, about the fact that I didn't want to miss out on anything that happened to my friends or loved ones. And I made a decision. I emailed Andy telling him that I still wanted him to be a part of my life. I told him that I didn't want see him or even hang out or anything. I just wanted to know he's okay, and be able to talk (email) to him every now and then to catch up. After what happened with my friend, I just want to know what's going on. I don't want to not know. Especially now that Obama decided to send out more troops, he might end up being one of them.
No matter what his response is, or lack of response, at least I know that I made an effort. If his wife decides she wants me to "fuck off" as she's said before, that's her decision and opinion and I'll respect it. But, I want to hear it from him, not her. I told him that even if he didn't care, it was still something I need to say. Basically, no matter what happens now, I can start the new year with a clean slate without thinking about what I should've or could've done. I didn't want to look back and regret not taking that last step to savage what was left of our relationship.
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at 10:48 AM
"promise me you won't let go?"
"i'll hold on as long as you let me"
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past meets the present
On Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 5:25 PM
With everything that's been going on in my life lately, I started to reminisce over the past..
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For those who don't know me, my life is surrounded by males. I have girl friends, but the amount of guy friends that I have, doubles or even triples the amount of girl friends. Some people will probably read the first sentence and the first thing that pops into their head might be “SLUT”. Chill out. Not every girl that hangs out with guys are sluts. Yes, I dress pretty girly. There are days you'll catch me in a dress, stockings, and some cute boots. While other days, I'll be kicking back in some jeans, tee (dstroyr.com), rocking them chucks. But, no, I’m not a tomboy, but I am not a slut either.
Why am I even blogging about this? Because I'm tired of explaining that not all girls who hang out with guys are easy, or sluts. I love my guy friends. I grew up with three older brothers and their friends, who have become brothers to me over the years (some of them have known me since I was like 8). When I’m with them, I’m like one of the boys. Shit, I AM one of the boys. We check out girls together, we crack guy jokes, we talk shit to each other, we talk cars, we drink, and chill. There are no sexual relations involved.
Yeah, I love my girl friends too but the whole super girly, squealing, gossiping, talking about useless celebrity gossip isn’t my thing. I like to just sit around, watch Family Guy and play video games. I could careless if people were to think that just because the ratio of my guy friends doubles my girl friends, that I am a slut. Before you judge me, why don't you take the time to get to know me. I know who I am, nothing else really matters.
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So, last night, I got the stupid urge (like I sometimes do) to look through my old blogs. I realized, I've had a lot of amazing guys in my life. Some that are still very important to me now, some that I took for granted, some that didn't appreciate me enough, some that have just plain disappeared from my life without a trace. Sometimes I wish I had done things a bit differently in the past, maybe they would still be in my life now, maybe I could've savaged what was left of our relationships/friendships. But, looking back, I can't honestly say life could be any better now if I did choose a different path. Everything happens for a reason. I might not know what that reason is now, I might not ever find out, but life is about the unexpected discoveries.. isn't it?
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There's two guys in particular that have caught my eye these past couple of days. It took me a while to understand why they stood out so much.
Guy #1 reminds me of Travis. I didn't notice it at first. Honestly, I didn't notice it at all until today. He has that same childlike curiosity. The same style, in girls, cars, music, clothes. They share the same interests. They have similar family backgrounds, a similar upbringing. They even talk the same. It's weird, but at the same time, it's nice. It's like I never lost him. I think this is why I've been able to cope with his loss.. I know it might sound a bit unhealthy, but trust me. I know they're two totally different guys. They're similar in a lot of ways, but they both have their own personalities.
Guy #2 reminds me so much of Ryan. Everything about him, his voice, his style, his smile, his personality. He's exactly like Ryan, and that scares me.
Ryan was everything I wanted and needed. The perfect boyfriend. But, I was young and naive. I took him for granted. I pushed him away. He walked away. But at the same time, he was always there. When I wanted that second chance, when I wanted to try again, he was there. But I was selfish, and we had a huge misunderstanding, I couldn't forgive him for what he said. I walked away. I got in touch with him again last year, we decided to meet up, talk about things, but at the last minute, I decided we shouldn't. I decided I wanted to try with someone else. And that might've been the biggest mistake of my life. No, the mistake wasn't choosing Andy. The mistake was leaving things messy with Ryan. I wish I could change how I did things. I wish I could apologize for what I did to him. But I don't even know how to get in touch with him nowadays.
Anyways, Guy #2, reminds me of Ryan. Everything is happening the same way it did with Ryan. That scares me.
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I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts and figure out why these guys are having such an impact on me at the moment. I just need to take a step back before this all gets complicated.
I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts and figure out why these guys are having such an impact on me at the moment. I just need to take a step back before this all gets complicated.
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i don't want to not know..
On Friday, December 18, 2009 at 9:53 AM
A lot of things went on yesterday. Things I can't seem to wrap my head around. I realized more than ever, life is short. I need to sort out my thoughts, sorry if this entry seems a bit sporadic.
My sister's roommate almost got raped yesterday afternoon. They live in a nice, quiet, neighborhood. You would never expect this kind of crime to happen in that area, but it did. The roommate is alright, pretty beat up overall (from what i heard) but she managed to escape or fiend for herself. Luckily, the guy wasn't successful in his attempt to rape her. And thankfully, he was stupid enough to leave plenty of fingerprints inside the house. He was caught later that night. So at least that's one bastard off the street.
I was talking to my friend Nick later on that night, and I came to the conclusion that if a guy ever attacked me, I would make sure he would never be able to have children in the future. I realized, in the end, I wouldn't be satisfied just taking the guy down. I would be that bitch that breaks your balls once I get you down on the floor. No joke. If a guy ever attempted to attack me, he'd be getting more than he expected. Growing up with surrounded by males have taught me a thing or two over the years. I can fight my own battles. I can take care of myself if it came down to it. But, from now on, I'll be more aware of my surroundings. I thought it was pretty amusing when my brother bought me pepper spray one year randomly. I don't know why I didn't take it more seriously back then, but it's now sitting in my purse. I don't think I'll ever use it, but it gives me comfort knowing it's there if I ever needed it.
Then, I found out my friend Travis Brogden passed away.. two months ago. I can still remember the last time I spoke to him. We were excited that his enlistment was over, that he was coming home, he was finally coming back to Cali. I remember him planning a huge party for all his friends. I remember him telling me I had no excuse, that I was gonna be his photographer, that he would be mad at me if I didn't show.. And now, he's home. But in a totally different way, a different sense of home.
I admit, I wasn't the BEST friend I could've been. He was one of the few guys I lost contact with when I was wrapped up in my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I disappeared for a year. But he forgave me. We caught up. Turns out, while I was caught up in my ex, he was deployed. But he came back safe, and at that time, it was all that matter. He was back in Hawaii, and he was coming back to Cali in a few weeks..
I don't want to not know.. Everyone's probably wondering what I mean when I say this.
But I didn't find out about Travis until last night. Honestly, I still don't know what day he passed away. I was talking to my friend Shon last night and we started talking about the mutual people we know. He asked me which ones I still kept in touch with. I mentioned Travis, told Shon that I caught up with him a 2-3 months ago, and I heard he was coming back to Cali cause his enlistment/contract was over. Then Shon explained to me that Travis passed away. He died because of a single ecstasy pill. No, it was not due to overdose, it was something in the pill that killed him. I wouldn't have known if it weren't for Shon. I would've kept going on, wondering why Travis wasn't online anymore, why I haven't heard from him in a while, wondering...
I started thinking about all my other friends, the ones who don't share mutual friends or acquaintances. I'm afraid that this won't be the one and only time that I'm not informed. I don't want to not know. I don't want to find out weeks, months, maybe years later. I don't want to lose my friends, my family, without knowing how, why, and when it happened. I don't want to miss out on a funeral, just because I simply didn't KNOW.
The world is a fucked up place.
"Life isn't fair says the small fish; life is sometimes fair says the medium fish; life is always fair says the big fish."
I don't believe it's fair that the cold-hearted people in this world are able to continue on with their lives while the good are constantly taken away from us spontaneously. The people who bring purity to this world are often stolen from us, while the greedy live on. As my friend David Chiem says, "Life is a journey. Life is death and death is life. This life is a game and we have to play this game in order to conquer it. "
Life is too short. Anything can happen to anyone at any time. I could die tomorrow. And who would know, who would be informed, who would be left out..
REST IN PEACE TRAVIS BROGDEN.
You'll always be in my heart. I wish we could've spent more time together, do the things we talked about and planned. But, things change. They always do, don't they? Thanks for everything, all the advice you've given me.. I'll miss you.post a comment
On Friday, December 11, 2009 at 4:19 PM
Re: SOCAL Rambling thread fwdtamiya
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2006 
Location: Southern California, CA
Posts: 5,154
Quote:
| Originally Posted by aarrowadscom  naw, We Viet brothas. I'm sure we've got cousins in Vietnam drinking a Ken together right now. So, Raawwrr, do you date? |
Quote:
| Originally Posted by Haigog in before the Terry /Tony Pham beatdown lol. |
Noob
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: socal
Posts: 42
yes, im taller than tony. but shorter than terry.
im 5'7.
Say no more. ** presses index finger against your soft lips **
I've been waiting for you.
OFFICIALLY CREEPED OUT.
Word of advice guys: if you want a girl on a car forum to take an interest in you, don't be an idiot and act like a creeper. This is why a majority of car meets are cock fests. The girls are too scared to come out and meet everyone cause she thinks some random weirdo is gonna stalk her (not me, im just too lazy to drive out to the kinod meets).
Have a great day everyone!
im 5'7.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bay Area
Posts: 1,840
Quote:
| Originally Posted by raaaawrr hi xD im 5'7. |
I've been waiting for you.
--------------------------------
OFFICIALLY CREEPED OUT.
Word of advice guys: if you want a girl on a car forum to take an interest in you, don't be an idiot and act like a creeper. This is why a majority of car meets are cock fests. The girls are too scared to come out and meet everyone cause she thinks some random weirdo is gonna stalk her (not me, im just too lazy to drive out to the kinod meets).
Have a great day everyone!
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owner loves teddy
On Friday, December 4, 2009 at 4:55 PM
A few days ago my brother asked me to clean out the hard drive I had on his desktop. I just spent the last hour or so looking through all the random crap I managed to collect over the years. I came across a folder of old conversations I had with my good friend Dennis, better known as my "teddy". It made me realize how much more I love him for dealing with all my shit these past few years.
I'll never be able to thank you enough for being in my life <3
A snippet of what a "normal" conversation for us looks like..
i be charmz: then.. i get to sleep in all day long
i be charmz: weeeeee xD
Phub0o: haha yeap
Phub0o: and you get to be a bum and sprout roots
i be charmz: sprout roots?
i be charmz: o_O
i be charmz: im not a plant teddy
i be charmz: ...
Phub0o: o.O
Phub0o: you can always try to be :D
i be charmz: yeaaa.. ill sit there and chant "grow sprouts grow sprouts" and and like.. water myself everyday.. and sit in the sun huh?
i be charmz: hahaha
Phub0o: hahahaha
Phub0o: don't forget to sit in fertilizer
Phub0o: o.o
i be charmz: ewwwwww
i be charmz: no thank you i dont want to be smelly
Phub0o: hahaha
Phub0o: plug your nose?
i be charmz: but then.. people wont like me. and wont want to be near me
i be charmz: cuz ill be all smelly
i be charmz: and and then when i see teddy. i chase after him and make him smelly too. yes? lol
Phub0o: lol
Phub0o: :X
Phub0o: sure
Phub0o: i'll attempt to grow roots with your smelly ass
Phub0o: xD
i be charmz: hahaha
i be charmz: a teddybear plant..
i be charmz: hmmm..
i be charmz: will you umm sprout little teddybears instead of leaves or something
Phub0o: uhmmm
Phub0o: i might sprout cotton?
i be charmz: hahaha
i be charmz: but then.. you'll like.. lose all your cotton..
i be charmz: wouldnt you?
Phub0o: :I
Phub0o: well well..
Phub0o: my cotton might grow into more cotton?
i be charmz: hahahaha
Phub0o: so i'll be full of cotton
i be charmz: wonder if cotton can grow cotton..
Phub0o: hmm
Phub0o: i think they have seeds in them
Phub0o: :I
i be charmz: hahaha i think so too..
i be charmz: teddy will sprout cotton..
Phub0o: haha
i be charmz: what am i supposed to sprout..
i be charmz: i cant sprout anything
i be charmz: LOL
i be charmz: leaves.. weeeeee. xD
Phub0o: lol
Phub0o: you can sprout...
Phub0o: socks*
Phub0o: :]
i be charmz: hahaha
i be charmz: cool
i be charmz: i sprout socks!
i be charmz: xD
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about me
let's start with the basics. the name's leslie. i was born on october 3rd, dont forget. i'm half chinese and half vietnamese. and no, i can't speak chinese to save my life. i'm a sister, friend, student, and kodak photographer. i'm the baby of the family and yes, i love it. i live with 3 older brothers and my parents in the valley. trying pull my life together and get as far from here as i can. now let's move on.
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think twice before you judge me. first impressions arent always accurate.
family, friends, and school are my priorities. never fake, always true. true to myself, true to my friends, my family, my faith. .
i've been hurt before, i've fallen time and time again. eventually, i move on and grow stronger with every problem i endure.
i can be the most random and happy person you'll ever meet or the biggest bitch you've ever talked to, that all depends on you. i won't deal with any bullshiet, give me the respect i deserve and i'll do the same for you.
my trust is hard to gain, easy to lose. i have no tolerance for liars or cheaters.
music is my therapy and writing will always be my escape. singing keeps me calm.
fall and winter are my favorites. give me a rainy day cuddled up on the couch and i'll be all smiles.
coffee. tiger lilies. white roses. toki doki. cars. pool tables. bowling. milk chocolate w/ toffee.
links
by title
yes nom nom?
thanks for the dance
i love my chi
ahh. awesome.
past meets the present
i don't want to not know..
owner loves teddy
by month
November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010