LAYOUT THEME: take me away.
LAYOUT CREATED WITH: photoshop cs2. notepad.
LAYOUT CREATED BY: leslie pham.
With everything that's been going on in my life lately, I started to reminisce over the past..
For those who don't know me, my life is surrounded by males. I have girl friends, but the amount of guy friends that I have, doubles or even triples the amount of girl friends. Some people will probably read the first sentence and the first thing that pops into their head might be “SLUT”. Chill out. Not every girl that hangs out with guys are sluts. Yes, I dress pretty girly. There are days you'll catch me in a dress, stockings, and some cute boots. While other days, I'll be kicking back in some jeans, tee (dstroyr.com), rocking them chucks. But, no, I’m not a tomboy, but I am not a slut either.
Why am I even blogging about this? Because I'm tired of explaining that not all girls who hang out with guys are easy, or sluts. I love my guy friends. I grew up with three older brothers and their friends, who have become brothers to me over the years (some of them have known me since I was like 8). When I’m with them, I’m like one of the boys. Shit, I AM one of the boys. We check out girls together, we crack guy jokes, we talk shit to each other, we talk cars, we drink, and chill. There are no sexual relations involved.
Yeah, I love my girl friends too but the whole super girly, squealing, gossiping, talking about useless celebrity gossip isn’t my thing. I like to just sit around, watch Family Guy and play video games. I could careless if people were to think that just because the ratio of my guy friends doubles my girl friends, that I am a slut. Before you judge me, why don't you take the time to get to know me. I know who I am, nothing else really matters.
So, last night, I got the stupid urge (like I sometimes do) to look through my old blogs. I realized, I've had a lot of amazing guys in my life. Some that are still very important to me now, some that I took for granted, some that didn't appreciate me enough, some that have just plain disappeared from my life without a trace. Sometimes I wish I had done things a bit differently in the past, maybe they would still be in my life now, maybe I could've savaged what was left of our relationships/friendships. But, looking back, I can't honestly say life could be any better now if I did choose a different path. Everything happens for a reason. I might not know what that reason is now, I might not ever find out, but life is about the unexpected discoveries.. isn't it?
There's two guys in particular that have caught my eye these past couple of days. It took me a while to understand why they stood out so much.
Guy #1 reminds me of Travis. I didn't notice it at first. Honestly, I didn't notice it at all until today. He has that same childlike curiosity. The same style, in girls, cars, music, clothes. They share the same interests. They have similar family backgrounds, a similar upbringing. They even talk the same. It's weird, but at the same time, it's nice. It's like I never lost him. I think this is why I've been able to cope with his loss.. I know it might sound a bit unhealthy, but trust me. I know they're two totally different guys. They're similar in a lot of ways, but they both have their own personalities.
Guy #2 reminds me so much of Ryan. Everything about him, his voice, his style, his smile, his personality. He's exactly like Ryan, and that scares me.
Ryan was everything I wanted and needed. The perfect boyfriend. But, I was young and naive. I took him for granted. I pushed him away. He walked away. But at the same time, he was always there. When I wanted that second chance, when I wanted to try again, he was there. But I was selfish, and we had a huge misunderstanding, I couldn't forgive him for what he said. I walked away. I got in touch with him again last year, we decided to meet up, talk about things, but at the last minute, I decided we shouldn't. I decided I wanted to try with someone else. And that might've been the biggest mistake of my life. No, the mistake wasn't choosing Andy. The mistake was leaving things messy with Ryan. I wish I could change how I did things. I wish I could apologize for what I did to him. But I don't even know how to get in touch with him nowadays.
Anyways, Guy #2, reminds me of Ryan. Everything is happening the same way it did with Ryan. That scares me.
I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts and figure out why these guys are having such an impact on me at the moment. I just need to take a step back before this all gets complicated.
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let's start with the basics. the name's leslie. i was born on october 3rd, dont forget. i'm half chinese and half vietnamese. and no, i can't speak chinese to save my life. i'm a sister, friend, student, and kodak photographer. i'm the baby of the family and yes, i love it. i live with 3 older brothers and my parents in the valley. trying pull my life together and get as far from here as i can. now let's move on.
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think twice before you judge me. first impressions arent always accurate.
family, friends, and school are my priorities. never fake, always true. true to myself, true to my friends, my family, my faith. .
i've been hurt before, i've fallen time and time again. eventually, i move on and grow stronger with every problem i endure.
i can be the most random and happy person you'll ever meet or the biggest bitch you've ever talked to, that all depends on you. i won't deal with any bullshiet, give me the respect i deserve and i'll do the same for you.
my trust is hard to gain, easy to lose. i have no tolerance for liars or cheaters.
music is my therapy and writing will always be my escape. singing keeps me calm.
fall and winter are my favorites. give me a rainy day cuddled up on the couch and i'll be all smiles.
coffee. tiger lilies. white roses. toki doki. cars. pool tables. bowling. milk chocolate w/ toffee.
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